Always loved

Is it possible to keep love for years? And what happens to feelings after five, seven or more years of marriage? Why is interest disappearing, and previously seeming ideal relationships give a crack? Is there any secret of love without time, relationships without reproaches and quarrels? I’m not sure that I’ll open the “terrible secret”, I just want to share my observations from the “height” of relations 10 years long.

In my house - the usual five-story Khrushchev, perfect audibility. If you live in a similar apartment, you are probably also aware of all the ups and downs in the relations of neighbors. So my neighbors allow us to “intervene” in their life more than often. A young family with a three-year-old child outwardly creates the appearance of an ideal couple. But every evening we are forced to listen to their screams and showdowns, and about once a week - Larisa’s crazy hysteria, which literally beats her head against the wall and roars with a beluga.

At such moments, there is a desire to ask: guys, why do you even live together? What keeps you next to each other if clarifying your relationship has long replaced the relationship itself? Child, housing problems, something else ... But what? In the modern world, there is no longer a past negative for young people who part, "without thinking about the fact that the child will be left without a father." Our society has overcome these stereotypes. Now we confidently bring satisfaction from family life to the forefront. And if she is not ... You are young, you are attractive, your whole life is ahead! And let it sound stereotyped, but it is.

When all is well, but only outwardly

Of course, this is one of the extremes when you just need to spit and leave. But if everything is quiet and calm in the family, there is a child (or several), there is a dog, everything is in order with housing, and even my mother lives separately. And suddenly the relationship begins to fade, interest just disappears, boredom sets in ... Fear appears that the husband “will find another”, there is a misunderstanding “why so!” Everything seems to be as usual, but he no longer pays attention. Or maybe you need to come up with something, to diversify!

The recommendations of psychologists invariably relate to a change of scenery. Travel, look for new experiences, start new hobbies. But in real life this is simply not enough time, often money. What travels, what hobbies, when in the evening there is only strength left to crawl to the sofa, after having previously cooked the borscht pan and cooked the patties. Sad and hopeless. But it seems to me that always maintaining interest in each other is much easier.

For me, my husband is always loved. Regardless of his or my mood, no matter what he did wrong. I spent the whole day in the garage instead of taking a walk with the child. He made repairs to his mother’s house instead of fulfilling my instructions. I just forgot about Tatyana’s day instead of falling at my feet with a bunch of flowers. To look at all these things is easier - it does not mean to indulge or teach your spouse to ignore yourself. To look simpler means to stop tearing one’s nerves at those occasions, which, according to the man, simply do not exist.

Learn to talk with your husband

But when necessary, I can convince my husband to do exactly as needed. What's the secret? It's as simple as that. Talk with your spouse! Do not scandal, do not scream, do not convince. Just talk. You will be surprised how many problems can be solved through ordinary conversation. Even those grievances that have long been piling up inside you will cease to seem so significant. The genius of a normal conversation is that you can finally tell your husband what exactly bothers you.

• Do not cry into the pillow, hoping that he himself will understand.
• Do not get angry or break off on other occasions, believing that your husband deliberately ignores you.
• Do not scroll through this conversation repeatedly.

And take it and say it!

Discussions in a calm environment are best planned for the evening, when the children are sleeping, relatives will not call, and a glass of wine will help relieve the stress accumulated during the day. Tell your husband WHAT is bothering you, speak clearly and concretely, without emotion. Believe me, what causes a storm of indignation in you and makes tears roll up your throat, in most cases a man simply does not understand! Yes, he most likely already felt that something was wrong, but until you clearly tell him about it, he will not even think about it and try to understand something. A man is not a telepath; he cannot read thoughts. But listen - yes, so speak.

About sex and communication

I don’t know if you told your mom about how your day went at school. I always told. And I’m sure that discussions of the smallest incidents and even just a busy day build the very trusting atmosphere in the family, which eliminates quarrels and showdowns. Do not just talk about yourself, be sure to ask your husband how his day went. Not one question - no! This is not for the sake of a tick. This allows you to be in his life every minute. And when something interesting happens at his work, he will surely think how in the evening at dinner he will tell his beloved wife about this incident.

And never ignore sex. In a relationship, he plays one of the first violins. How often do you need to have sex? The more often, the better! Satisfaction in an intimate life creates an atmosphere of endless flirting between a man and a woman. Remember how in the first days of acquaintance, when the heart literally jumped out of the chest, when the beloved was near. But this flirting is already more conscious, confident, mature. He is a manipulator that makes a man look forward to the evening. And in families where the husband is so passionate about his wife, there are simply no empty scandals and boredom.